First 5K Challenge.

03Sep09

Lately, I’ve become very active. I’m working out 4-5 days a week, going for run/walks, taking classes at the gym, and practicing Yoga an average of 3-days a week. I’m becoming a runner. Don’t be concerned! I started off my running with 30-minute intervals of running followed by 2-minutes of walking. I’ve since then “graduated”. Now I’m running 1-minute intervals followed by 2-minutes of walking.

One of my fitness goals is to RUN! a 5K. Yes, that’s correct a 5K. Even though this seems like a daunting and challenging task, I am determined to get there. I’ve been told in the past that I can’t run because of my feet, but I’m proving them all wrong. With that said, I’ve decided to take on the task of competing my first 3K this September for a local charity (although, it’s still a 3K but I may do a run/walk if I can’t prep my body enough). I’m excited to train my body for this, and on average I can walk 1-mile in just 15-minutes!

I’m getting there, and making progress with each workout.

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Pure.

30Aug09

I think I’ve always been this way. This way being I never liked the idea of putting foreign chemicals into my body and this includes medication. Yes, I am on some medication, but I’ve had to retrain my mind into thinking “this is healthy for my body” instead of “taking this will harm my body”. For me, I just don’t know, and I haven’t looked it up, into learning more about the long term effects of chemicals (including pesticides) in the body. I’m sure if I started some research, I may not like the findings I find.

Therefore, I’m very concerned with the amount of pesticides in my food. As a preference, I prefer to eat organic foods rather than conventional. Somewhere, on some TV show, I heard that even though you wash the produce that is conventional (as in non-organic) the pesticide still remains on the food, except it’s now in the food. This scares me. I explained my fear to my ever loving boyfriend (were both into fitness and eating healthy), and he agrees. It’s so challenging, almost frustrating at times, to know what is truly organic and what isn’t. Just because something says “organic” doesn’t mean that it is. For safe measure, if I see the USDA organic seal, I trust that the product is organic. However, really… how do you know?

Because of this, I trust that the food I buy at a speciality store like Whole Foods is pure, natural and free of pesticides. True, not all foods there are free of the pesticides, but trust only goes so far. This is something I am going to research. If there are greater benefits of eating simply organic rather than conventional, why not make the switch?

Organic is a matter of preference, and it’s what I prefer.

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Getting There.

30Aug09

It takes time. I know that. But some part of me still expects to see results overnight. That the next time I go out for a run, that I won’t struggle, that I won’t have challenges, and that I’ll be able to push myself further than the previous time. Only if life goes the way I, the way we, wanted it to.

I need to learn to be more patient. It’s not that I expect (but sometimes I do, once I get in it) to be able to run for this minute length or what, but I do. I’d like to think that I’m making progress. What I think happens that I get into the run and I’m almost becoming cocky with myself as in look at me, I’m so good! and then… somewhere I fall apart and almost become upset with myself that I couldn’t do it. However, I try and remind some part of myself that it takes time, that I’m getting there.

Since The Running Diaries began, I have since then been able to run for one minute straight. Previously, I’d run for thirty seconds approximately, and walk for a few minutes, maybe like two minutes. I know it doesn’t seem like much, but to me it does. My boyfriend and I were at his gym today, and I tried running on the treadmill. I can’t say I’m a fan, but it was my first time.

I’m getting there, honey. I’m getting there.

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Big Girls Don’t Cry.

26Aug09

Whatever goes on when I’m not at work is my own business. I prefer not to bring my personal life into the workplace. Months later, I’m still not impressed or pleased with the fact that the CEO/Founder of the company I currently work for created a weight loss program for all to participate in. She believed that everyone should take the initiative to be more healthy and eat better, but why does weight loss need to come up? I understand it’s an issue that everyone deals with, but regardless, I’m still the Anorexic. It would of been very different if the weight loss program was introduced in a way of “these are healthy meals/snack” ideas instead of urging centers to work together and loose the weight.

I’m all about support and getting what you need from friends and family, but regardless. Why bring something as personal as someone’s struggle with weight loss into the work place? Dealing with my recovery on a day to day basis was the last thing I wanted to deal with at my workplace. It really bothered me to hear that my coworkers in so many words were pressuring me to participate so we could “win” an organic cooked meal by the founder.

Needless to say, my Mum was concerned. How I’ve worked so hard to maintain my own recovery and that something as innocent as a weight loss program initiative could really steer me in the wrong direction. To this day, I still fear being in treatment because of the situation and really being face to face with your deamons. Because of my hard work and willingness to recover and leave the disorder behind, I have been in recovery. For some time, even after the program was announced, one of my coworkers would always talk about her diet. How much weight she wanted to loose, etc. To be honest with her, I told her my story. As if that wasn’t enough for her, she continued to press the issue asking me how much I weighed, and what I did to become to skinny.

Are you kidding me? Here I am, feeling so exposed, so unsettled… and to have a coworker not take my expression of emotion for what it is, really still pisses me off. I understand that weight is your concern, and that you need to loose it, but why do you need to talk about it with me on a daily basis? I’m sure you didn’t get the hint where I quickly avoided what you said and changed subjects. But that’s your nature. Not to listen to what someone’s telling you and do your own thing.

Why is it that if I’m eating an apple and Greek yogurt that I get asked if that’s all I’m eating? Why is the focus always on once then Anorexic side of myself? Why is that the focus. If I tell my Dietician that I didn’t eat breakfast and he sees that as a pattern, he assumes that I’m restricting. It bugs the shit out of me when I’ve been able to manage this successfully and no matter what, there’s always that shade of doubt.

This is my life, and how I choose to manage it is my own battle.

Filed under: Eating Disorder, Eating Disorder Recovery, Life   |  2 Comments

Do It: Fitness Challenge (8/24/09)

24Aug09

A few months ago, I decided to give myself a weekly fitness challenge. The fitness challenge is something that I invite you, the reader (yes YOU!) to participate in. The challenge itself can be a small challenge, or something that you’ve wanted to do, but for whatever reason, you’re shy (or another reason) and decide not to do it. But, I insist you give yourself a challenge and not try to do it, but do it.

Here I announce my fitness challenge for the week of August 23: to take a Spinning class. Currently when I hit the gym, Spinning is my workout of choice, just because I get a thrill of seeing how many miles I can peddle, but also the feeling of being on cloud nine, almost a feeling similar to post Yoga workout vibe. See, this challenge, taking the Spin class, is a difficult one for me. I see myself as not having a lot of lower body strength and I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep it. However, I remind myself that it’s my workout, my ride, and I control how far I push my body- even with encouragement from an instructor.

First Spinning class ever, tomorrow (Tuesday, August 25) at 8:15a. Please send me along your words of encouragement as I will quite possibly be contemplating the thought of canceling my Spin reservation. Taking the first step to accomplishing your dream is always the toughest, but just do it.

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