Go.
12Feb07
There’s a part of me that my potential date, Scott, does not know about. It’s the whole I’m-in-recovery-from-an-Eating-Disorder thing. And I know there’s a time and place for everything, but at times being in recovery consumes my every thought. It affects everything even relationships whether it’s romantic or purely friendship. Some part of me feels a need to tell him, but I barely know him and wouldn’t want to scare him off. But then again, this is a part of me and if he can handle it, good were good to go. If he can’t, then he’s not for me. This should be some kind of ultimatium, either he accepts the fact I had a major, lifethreatening illness and supports the fact that I’m in recovery, or he just might be one of those guys who doesn’t want to hear it, who emotionally can’t be supportative. It’s not really support that I’m seeking. Maybe it is, but maybe I’m totally overreacting. Then again, I’m not sure if I feel so comfortable having a dinner date, just because I still feel so weird eating around people I don’t know. It’s just me.
This is me. I’m a new and improved version of my former self. And so far, I’m not sure how accepting others are of me. It’s really sad and makes me cry a lot. Because, I feel like I’m putting myself out there and I’m constantly getting rejected, but Scott… he really seems to enjoy the conversations we have, and I make him laugh. It just might be I’m afraid of the new. That I could really enjoy his company, and that thought of being treated well scares me.
Or maybe in some twisted all or nothing way, this is my idea of pushing him away.
Filed under: Dating | 15 Comments
Not sure how long you’ve been seeing Scott, but my opinion is that if is more than a few times – than you should bring this up to him.
However, stating a fact (like: I have an eating disorder) and trying to see how he reacts, isn’t what I suggest doing. I suggest telling him, asking him if he is familiar at all with the disease, educating him if need be – and then tell him why you are telling him. If you do need support, tell him that. If you don’t, but you just want him to know so that he’s aware of it, tell him that.
You have to tell him exactly what is up, and what you’d like. Men are not good at reading minds, and they are even worse at guessing. More often than not you’ll find that people are not only understanding – but are willing to help you out – as long as they know how. The only way they’ll know how, is if you tell them.
@Colin,
I should of mentioned it in the entry, but I haven’t actually “met” him yet. We were kind of planning to met up mid week, but with this Nor’Easter coming, who knows what will happen, if it will. Just from chatting with him, I get a good vibe… but I don’t feel so comfortable yet (and if we meet and it goes well, then we’ll see later down the road) spilling my beans. It only came to mind because it is my first relationship since I started my treatment, and I expect it may be different on so many levels.
Thanks for your advice, from a guy after all.
Another way of looking at it is this. Don’t bring it up unless you have a need to bring it up. If this is the new you, then give him a chance to know the new you, without the hint of your past snapping at your heels.
Let yourself go to the possibilities and don’t be afraid to actually have fun. The hardest is for people like us to accept the possibility that we can actually be happy with no strings attached. But it is possible. Just close your eyes…and ride the wave of what happens.
You’re you. Let him get acquainted in what you’re trying to be first. The past is always negotiable.
@Edrei,
I think sometimes when I start to like someone, it’s like I almost consume that person. And I wouldn’t say that I become attached, but yeah.. maybe I do. And now that someone is paying interest in me for the good, it scares me a little. Because I wonder if there’s some scary web in my closet that were to come out, would he still like me? And I’m sure the same goes for him. I need a reality check. There will be things he may not like about you, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. Trust your instincts, and ride the wave.
Yes, that was me talking in the second person.
When I’m getting to know a person, and especially if there’s a connection, I like to be upfront and honest, but there’s a time and a place for everything. I’m kind of in the same situation you are right now. I just started talking with this wonderful girl and I’m really into her, and she’s into me.
My advice is to take things slow. Wait until you know you have a connection with him outside of chatting online. I also suggest not having a dinner date if that will make you uncomfortable. What about some coffee? That’s always a great time to just chat and get to know someone without having to worry about food.
I’ve met a lot of great people online and some of them have become really great friends. I’ve also dated a couple people that I’ve met online. And like you said, there might be things he doesn’t like about you, and you might not like things about him, but good relationships are about accepting those “imperfections” or the things we may not like about ourselves. That didn’t exactly come out like I wanted it to, but I think you get my meaning.
Anyway, good luck!
@Josh,
But I still want to be pursued when it comes to it. Play hard to get a little.
Playing hard to get totally drives me nuts, like the good kind of nuts.
@Josh,
For example, this afternoon I sent a text message saying I had a good dream last night. Of course he was intrigued. Next, I told him that I couldn’t remember the dream, but I woke up satisfied. Then, I flirted slightly and sent “maybe it was you”.
It’s the little things.
It depends. The former you obviously affects you now. If it’s rasiing eyebrows, then, I think you should tell him. If’s it not then, don’t, rush things. I’ll explain. I used to be extrememly overweight, and well it’s a big part of my life now. Eating right, working out etc. I don’t don’t bluntly tell people these things, unless I want to show people, my level of dedication, commitment and hardwork. But if things like my obession with working out, not eating fast food, comes in to question I explain myself.
Here’s a good one, I weigh out all my meat, I place all my egg whites in small containers. I have rows of yougurt, containers with (black beans + tuna) stacked in my frig. To normal person my frig, looks quite creepy, something serial killerish. I have to explain to people, the importantace to me for doing the above.
Good Luck, Trust your instincts..
@Justin,
That’s you. If they accept it, good. If not, forget them.
Yea, that would have driven me crazy. I love it when a girl plays hard to get, but at the same time, there comes a point where it’s too much. But yea, that totally would have had me thinking about it.
@Josh,
I’m a good flirt. I give good flirt.
I give good flirt too. I surprise myself sometimes, I don’t always realize I’m doing it. And half the time I’m always asking a girl if she’s flirting with me because I’m just that oblivious to that sort of thing. Good stuff.
Girl, don’t think so much. If he doesn’t accepts you for who you are/were, he doesn’t deserves you. Just go on and have a good day with him.
@Josh and @Sally,
Thank you for the advice. But I’m all set now. Truly.