The Guy.
Except Adam. Trust me, I’m treading into this one with boxing gloves. After my last relationship with Brian and finding out recently that he doesn’t know if he ever loved me, which leads me to believe it was all a lie, I’m cautious of getting involved again. The word “involved” could mean so many things, but for the meantime to me it means letting my guard down. Or, otherwise known as not being defensive. Anyways, Adam responded. He says he’s twenty-nine years old, living in Danvers, he listed some of his interests, and mentioned that he’s looking for a relationship without headgames. Sounds promising right?
Just yesterday after several online chats, emails and phone calls I met up with Adam. Currently Adam is studying for this test to get into this PN program. He wants to become a Nurse. I volunteered my smarts to help him study. I really didn’t know much of anything he was trying to learn and remember, but I tried. We chatted for awhile. He was becoming really frustrated with some of the mathmetical questions. I helped him work through it using the answers as a guide. Hopefully I didn’t do any damage. Once we were done going over his mathmetics and science, he wanted a cigarette. Now, I don’t smoke but I told him I’d wait for him while I sit at the cafe and wait. I knew it was tacky, but he wanted me to come outside by his truck.
Keep in mind, I still had to stop by work and drop off a form of identification for the paperwork– I’m leaning up againist his truck, slightly invading his personal space, holding my keys in my hand, and he sees that I have a lot on my keychain. Explaining what everything is, he decides to play with the automatic starter. Clicking, clicking and clicking, my car starts and he begins to walk towards my car. I open the car to the door, put my handbag on the seat, and he gets into my car. At this point I’m becoming slightly turned off because why are you getting into my car? Investigating what I have, like an expired condom from a few years back, change, an umberalla, a pink Red Sox hat, and of course my music and radio stations included. He decides to change the preset radio stations I listen to with the ones he listens to for when I quote, “for when I drive your car”. HELLO?! Adjusting my car to his presets. When he leaves, I’m sitting in my car trying to figure out everything he fixed and how to get it back to the way I like it. I really didn’t appreciate that much.
Moving on. In the post, Loose Ends I write about how relationships are like interviews. How we ask questions that are fluff in the beginning because it’s kind of the default answer. Kind of shocking I guess to find out that The Guy, Adam.. was once married (who isn’t married these days?), and has a seven year old daughter. He and I are talking on the phone last night and he tells me he’s sending a picture to my cell phone. I look at it, it’s a picture of a little girl.. and I am just thinking “oh it’s probably his cousin”. Wrong.
He really, really wants to see me again. Because he and I met on the Internet, I guess for awhile until I feel comfortable, I may have to sneak around to see him. My parents like to know whom I am dating, and yeah… my parents would want to meet him, but not in one of those Meet The Parents kind of way. Like pick me up, and all that stuff. For me, I have all this stuff going on and I explained to him that I didn’t want to feel that I was rushing into anything, which I’m not, but I’d like to take my time. Actually, what I just wrote was a little more thought out and in depth, so that’s the shorter version.
He’s nice. He’s very, very, very attractive and I love his deep blue eyes.
Filed under: Dating | 11 Comments
Um… he got into YOUR car, examined YOUR things, changed YOUR radio stations…maybe it’s me, but that’s a bit of a cheek. I’d have been really put out. Maybe even made him change them back.
I met my husband via the Internet in 1999 (if you want to read the abridged story it’s an article on Like It Is called Happy Anniversary– how we met) and don’t understand why people still give meeting on the Internet such a thumbs down. It is simply another way of meeting people. I can only assume it’s because they’ve only heard the bad stories but there are jerks on and offline I’ve met them in both. I’ve heard the bad stories too, but maybe I’ve heard more good ones. I know several people who’ve met via the Internet and are now married or in long term relationships. Sooner or later it all becomes off-line anyway.
Best of luck with this guy.
@Britgirl,
The more I think about it, the more I become annoyed that he even dared to do such a thing. That isn’t his space. It almost reminds me of the scene in “How To Loose A Guy in 10 Days” where the main character takes it upon herself to re-decorate his bathroom. It’s the same thing. I mean, he and I aren’t together and that’s not his personal space it’s mine. It’s almost like he’s trying to claim his property. It’s a guy thing, isn’t it?
You should be annoyed. You should probably also be hearing the “ding-ding-ding” of warning bells. IMO you have to be at least engaged to be taking the liberty of changing people’s stuff. I was talking about your post to my husband and I mentioned that you said The Guy was married divorced and had a young child. His reponse was amusing… “well, given that women put up with lot of crap from their men, either his wife was a total bitch or she’d had it with his “interesting ways.” Evidence of which he appears to be revealing. Personally I think it might be the latter, but of course I’m could be totally wrong.
@Britgirl,
I was really annoyed. That really settled in my stomach. A really bad feeling. One that just didn’t seem right. He is really attractive, and I wondered “why is he single?”. Everything in my head didn’t add up. Almost like a natural warning sign.
I’m twenty-six. I thought about what I am going through at this very moment and trying to date someone plus child is a little bit more than I am willing to handle. Something about the whole thing doesn’t seem right. I just can’t put my finger on it.
How old is he… my guess is mid 30’s? I’m a great believer in gut feeling and intuition. If your intuition is telling you something isn’t right, then it probably isn’t. What often happens is that women ignore their gut feeling in favour of what they’d like to see/hear. And if you’re going through stuff already the last thing you need is unsettled feelings where you need the complete opposite. But your antenna is up so seeing him a couple more times isn’t making a commitment, it’ll help you decide– that is if you haven’t already.
@Britgirl,
The Guy just turned twenty-nine. I have already decided what to do in this situation and that is to break it off. I asked a two girlfriends of mine what they thought. And I even went as far as asking my ex-boyfriend too. It’s best that I broke it off with him because I don’t feel comfortable at this point getting involved with someone who has a child. I wouldn’t only be dating him, but also becoming a part of his “other life”. I can’t do it.
Good for you!
@Britgirl,
Thanks. He was a loser anyways.
Good decision, though it looks like I showed up to this party a few days late. I think you got the answer in condensed form of why he is single/divorced.
@Mac,
He can’t be that bright. If is ex-wife didn’t want him, what makes him think that I would or the following girl? And it’s kind of funny because just sitting in my inbox is yet another message from him trying to “sell” his persona. That of a liar in disguise.
Although I also arrived late to the party I agree whole heartedly with Britgirl and IMO you made the correct decision. Your instincts and intuition are right on so respct them. This little boy playing grown up is not for you. Consider youreslf “bright” for letting this flame sputter and die.