Beautifully Broken.

17May06

For the first time for a very short period of time it felt like everything was the way it should of been. That it was okay to stop blaming myself for how I ended up in this way. And I’m referring to my Eating Disorder. Through therapy, my therapist has made me realize that I couldn’t of controlled it. However, I guess you’re in control of your own destination. If you screw up, it’s your own damn fault. I’m trying to accept it, but I can’t. Because even though I believe I couldn’t of controlled what happened to me as a child– by controlling what I eat, when I eat, and if I eat gives me a sense of control that I never had growing up. In a way it makes you feel powerful that you’re actually making that much of an impact on your life. On the flip side, I’ve come to realize that my controlling behavior could potentially kill me.

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