Smoke.
I wish I could explain. I wish you could experience my heart. I wish you could. Because then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. But then of course, I kind of got myself into this situation. And I’m trying to repair myself. It’s not like you can just put a band-aid over it and wish for it to heal. It’s come to a breaking point. Every night, typically around the midnight hour, it’s important that I know my standard. Whatever that standard is determines my plan for the following day, and possibly the week. Knowing my standard has been taken away from me. I asked and given an excuse. I can’t even begin to understand how important it is. It’s not that simple. Just going over the details of my own standards I felt my body beginning to crumble inside. All I want is to try and feel normal. What is normal? A day without the constant there and back would really be nice. I don’t know what that’s like. Never have.
Filed under: Eating Disorder | 2 Comments
I must ask: If someone told you you were beautiful, would you believe it was a genuine statement? Would you be able to believe that they aren’t lying? Would you believe that they aren’t just trying to be polite? Can you believe that they aren’t saying it just because they want something from you? There is no such thing as normal. Normal is a imaginary state created by people afraid of change and unwilling to develop. How ever, there is such thing as beauty. You are beautiful. Next time someone tells you this I hope you believe its a genuine.
@Anonymous,
I’m sorry, but it’s not as simple as it sounds. I don’t view myself as others view me. I know there’s something wrong with me and I’m going to try and fix it with professional help. I know I’m beautifully broken and putting a band-aid on the situation isn’t going to help anything. I just wish those around me would stop doing it because I see right through it.