All That I Can Say.

18Apr06

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Of course I should be the adult in the situation and try to hang it out. But I’ve tried to hang it out and hope that it will get better. It’s not getting any better. My co-workers are trying to convince me that it will get better. Who’s eyes are they looking it through? Of course theirs. I wish they’d try and see it from my perspective but they’re too into themselves to even think about anyone but themselves. It’s sad because I didn’t think they were that type of person. I’ve encounted that “type” when I worked at J.Crew, but honestly I’m not into it this time around.

Leaving J.Crew was a tough decision. Just a little background on it so you’d be able to understand my unhappiness at my current. I started working for J.Crew when I was finishing up my degree. It was a good, little job. I was able to take my classes and work when I wasn’t in school. My co-workers seemed nice and there were many people who were around my age. But before I knew it, the honeymoon stage was over. I saw the company for what it really was. On the flipside, the store manager was a complete twit who favored a certain somebody. If you weren’t that certain somebody, you were treated like shit. It didn’t matter. You just were. Her little sidekick was her partner in crime and didn’t leave her side. She thought she was the boss and felt like she could boss you around because of her association. I was also sexually harassed by a key holder. Nice, right? No. I did what I had to do and file a complaint with corporate. No joke. It’s a serious issue, kids.

Before I went to work for J.Crew I didn’t have any Retail experience. None. I quickly learned how to sell and excelled. Beyond my expections and theirs. As a side note, I was one of the better sellers in the store. Every month I was within the top ten for volume. Impressive, right? Only if the management gave me more opportunity to shine perhaps I wouldn’t of left.

Sooner than I would of realized I discovered that I was being taken advantage of. During the month of January (it’s typically a slow month), my hours were severly cut. There wasn’t a reason for it. I had shown that I’m able to perform under pressure. I proved my capabilites, but every time I try to shine through, another co-worker of mine felt like she had to out-do herself over me. Without realizing it, I wasn’t the star. I thought I was doing a great job. That was until I realized I was in the worst working environment ever. Not only was I being taken advantage of, but those around me were becoming vindictive. Almost nine times out of ten I’d never get credit for my sales. The management would often doubt my capabilities. I left J.Crew in November of last year. Since then, I’ve been working in the image business. Well it’s cosmetics and it’s not pretty. If you don’t look good, forget it. I often feel that I’m being taken advantage of, that my talents aren’t being used to the best of their ability and I’m definintely not being told I’m doing a good job. I like to know that someone, someone– is recognizing my hard efforts. Before I came to the current company, my previous manager (not at J.Crew) would always tell me I was doing a great job. She made sure to point it out, even if she had twenty million things on her plate.

I feel like a number, an object, not a person. It’s the worst feeling in the world. Because not only am I dealing with this feeling of being useless and worthless, but I’m going through a very personal situation. The stressors of work are only making it worse. I’m trying to not let work bother me, but I can’t take it anymore. It wasn’t what I thought it would be. During the merger, I was promised things. The things I was promised turned out to be a lie. And I hate being lied to. It’s just the worst. I’m not even being treated like a human. I’ve never, ever been treated so badly. I hate saying it, but it feels like I’m back at my old job. Leaving my previous job was the best decision I made in 2005. Like, it was so bad. Really bad. I didn’t want to believe it, but after while I saw it for what it really was.

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