Yoga Girl.

02Feb10
Yes, I’m participating in a Yoga challenge with my studio. The ultimate goal is to take practice Yoga five times a week for a period of eight weeks. Just the thought of being able to do that seems so ideal, because no matter what fitness program I’m into at the moment, everyone tells me “you’re a Yoga girl. That’s what you do”.

Yes, I am a Yoga girl. I found Yoga (or maybe it found me) during my Sophomore year of college. I remember it clearly. It was during the time of final exams and the health center offered Hatha Yoga classes in the Blue Room (don’t know why it was called that, because the walls aren’t blue), adjacent to the cafeteria, and nestled between two residential halls. The class intrigued me. I knew that it would be so wonderful to take a break from studying for final exams and just relax. So I went to the class, and fell in love. The best part was the instructor gave each student a mini foot massage at the end of class. Love it!

My intention for practicing Yoga is for balance and strength. Even though I am a Yoga girl, who sometimes (lately) lives at the Yoga studio, it’s so much more than what I expected. But I’ve decided something so important that I must confess. For me, trying to practice five times a week is just not about how many times I practice. It’s about the ideal of letting go of all imperfections and finding that balance and strength within myself.

Just letting go. That’s what it all about. Not about practicing five times a week.


I went into class with expectations. Expectations that I’d do certain poses that I love for the deep stretch, and just for doing them. But I felt like a kid on Christmas where you’re expecting that one big gift, only to get something small that you didn’t want. This was my experience today with Yin Yoga. However, I know there are many styles, but this style wasn’t for me.

I love to flow from one class to another. To feel like I’m getting somewhere. This class was all about holding each pose, not a series of poses, just individual poses, for longer periods of time. When I say “longer” I’m talking five minutes of holding each pose. For me, I can be very impatient at times and kept looking at my watch and thinking “is it over yet?”.

It was good to try a different style, but I won’t be going back to this class.


I must confess, I am loving my Yoga practice all over again.

Today I went to my first Vinyasa class. It’s very different being in class than practicing at home. It was great that today our instructor (also the owner), Mary Ellen, gave us the choice of what music we wanted to listen to. Personally, the kind of music you listen to during a class (or none at all) really impacts the practice. Our choice of music was “happy” and I thought it was cool to practice to The Beatles and various other artists.

However, on a positive note (as if talking about Yoga isn’t positive) I have decided to embark on my Yoga studio’s 8-week Yoga Challenge program. The 8-week program consists of taking five Yoga classes over the course of one week for eight weeks. So far, I’ve got two classes down and I’ve scheduled three more classes in, potentially four until my “week” is over ending on Monday. Also, I must say… that within each practice I feel myself getting stronger and stronger. It’s just incredible and I can’t imagine what kind of change will happen the more I practice.

Love it.


Sometimes I feel really strong. Everything about my feeling is strong. I feel overly confident, sometimes cocky, that I can pull a high mileage number. Anything that is above a three is considered a high number. Why? Because I’m just starting out and I still remember the day for the first time ever, I ran five miles. The experience of it was so insane, I still have a hard time (sometimes) imaging that I was even capable of doing so.

Running. Sometimes I don’t feel so strong. Sometimes I tend to doubt myself too much pre-run and once I get out there, I can’t move. It’s almost like “hello, legs… what are you doing?”. I can’t move. Because I’ve done so much talking down to myself that I almost think I can’t run. I hate to say it, but this happens a lot.

I haven’t had a confident run in awhile. A run where I feel like I own the pavement. Or that the pavement, tries to own me but I show it who’s boss. That’s right, I’m the boss! The best runs for me are the quick and dirty variety, the kind where I’ve got something, some stress related fury inside of me that I want to burn off. Those are the best. As much as I hate stress, I want to have a powerful quick and dirty run in the upcoming days. This isn’t to say I want something bad to happen (this sort of thing gets me going to the point where I perform very, very well better than non-pissy days) just so I can perform better.

Sometimes it works. It’s just the groove of running.


Perfectly OK.

26Jan10
On Tuesday morning, I woke up with this excited-ness, almost that feeling of starting your first day of the first grade, because you’re now considered one of the “big kids” with your too big LL Bean backpack and fun pencils. It’s a feeling that for me, was all too familiar, but for a different purpose and for a different reason.

I walked into my local Yoga studio with the happiest grin on my face. I could finally, be at peace with the emotions of being unemployed, and the emotions of my car situation and let it go. I chit chatted with the owner of the studio for a bit, chatting about my Yoga practice, my wonderful Yoga DVD that I swear by, Power Yoga for Happiness 2, and amongst other things. I chatted with her for a few minutes, and entered the studio.

A warm setting, one that I’m not used to, but it felt all too familiar. The first time I took a Hot Yoga class, I was in a place of mental fuzziness, one that I don’t want to revisit. A place where I was so unhealthy due to my Eating Disorder, and of course I did anything then to sweat, sweat sweat! However, today’s practice was all about balance. Trying to seek balance in my Yoga practice but in other areas of health and fitness.

During the practice, I felt challenged. Challenged in a good way that I haven’t felt before. In some of my Yoga practices, I had trouble focusing, trouble keeping centered, which made it hard to just practice. But today felt different. That I was just able to focus on my breath. Focus on me. Not everything else that is going on in this crazy world, and my life as I know it.

At the end of practice, I felt so cleansed. So clean inside. Mentally and physically. Yes, I sweated a lot, but sweating during this practice wasn’t the point. During some of the poses (and I didn’t let the instructor see this), I felt myself tearing up inside. Because I was able to push myself, gently… more than I ever have before during any practice, and the feeling of being OK that I’m not perfect and that’s perfectly OK. Sometimes, I tried to outdo myself, pushing myself beyond what I was truly capable of at the moment, like Tree Pose. I tried, I really did… and for a second there, I told myself “it’s just not my time”, and moved on.

It’s perfectly OK not to be perfect.